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November 21, 2007 / davebirss

The end to all religious wars

Hand of God

I have a dream. A dream where the people of the world can live in peace and harmony. A dream where there are no more wars, killings and treachery done in the name of God. A dream where religious differences are put aside and mankind is united by love and hope. So I decided to solve it all once and for all with a post on my blog. I am going to finally reveal which religion is the best by comparing their holy books on Amazon.

To make this completely fair, I had to come up with a couple of rules:

  • I took my data from the first rated listing for each holy book.
  • If the holy book wasn’t rated, it was discounted.

That unfortunately means that Buddhism and Rastafarianism are out from the start because neither the Tripitaka or the Holy Piby have been reviewed.

To give you a bit more information on the books, and keep the argument balanced, I’m including a positive and negative comment from the user reviews. And I’ve linked to each of the holy books so that you can buy them from Amazon, should you wish to.

But enough preamble. Let the final religious battle begin.

CHRISTIANITY – The Holy bible

Score: 3.5 / 5

On a positive note:

Plenty of violence, family feuds, sex, and language to satisfy the most ill-tempered reader

On a negative note:

This is one of the worst fictional books I’ve ever read.

Conclusion:

Not a great start, really. The Almighty must be a bit disappointed. Even Jeffrey Archer has better ratings than that.

JUDAISM – The Torah

Score: 5 / 5

On a positive note:

Great to read and study from.

On a negative note:

It would not be difficult to find a few places where I would have translated differently.

Conclusion:

Wow! Full marks. Top that! Looks like the lack of a new testament didn’t do the Torah any harm. It may be impossible to beat this score – but will any other holy book match it?

ISLAM – The Koran

Score: 3 / 5

On a positive note:

This book has changed by life.

On a negative note:

Be warned that you may baulk at the language and find it violent in the extreme, supremacist racist and misogynist.

Conclusion:

Ouch! That isn’t a good score. It doesn’t look like I’ll be converting to Islam any time soon. It’s all yours Cat Stevens!

MORMONISM – The Book of Mormon

Score: 3.5 / 5

On a positive note:

Although not always easy to read, it is invaluble. I highly recommend it!

On a negative note:

It’s as true as Harry Potter but not as good a read. Give this one a miss.

Conclusion:

The Book of Mormon is now neck and neck with The Bible. I’m considering arranging a kick boxing tournament between Cliff Richard and Donny Osmond to sort this one out.

HINDUISM – The Holy Vedas

Score: 5 / 5

On a positive note:

A very good book for Hindus wishing to read the Vedas.

On a negative note:

n/a

Conclusion:

OK. There was only one review for this book so it’s not exactly objective. But it still gets top marks from one very passionate reader.

SIKHISM – The Gospel of Peace: According to Guru Granth Sahib

Score: 4 / 5

On a positive note:

If you want to know about Sikhism or you need info for a project you should definitely buy this book. For such a low price it’s a bargain!!!

On a negative note:

n/a

Conclusion:

That’s a pretty respectable score. And a great name for a holy book. Plus – as its one reviewer says – it’s a cheap book. This is maybe the best value of all the religions. Unfortunately, that’s not what we’re judging this on.

SATANISM – The Satanic Bible

Score: 4 / 5

On a positive note:

This is definitely a good read to gain a different view of religion.

On a negative note:

This book sadly fulfills every stereotypical idea the average person may have about Satanism and it’s not even well written.

Conclusion:

So, according to Amazon, Satanism beats Christianity. The Dark Lord may have triumphed over the Saviour – but he still doesn’t make it to the top of the tree.

SCIENTOLOGY – The fundamentals of thought

Score: 4 / 5

On a positive note:

I found the information in this book very practical and liberating.

On a negative note:

It’s not an easy read, not because the words are difficult, but simply because most of it doesn’t make any sense.

Conclusion:

This entry is slightly complicated by the fact that there is no ONE book for Scientology – L. Ron Hubbard was enjoying the publishing royalties so much that he kept going and wrote a whole bunch of them. However, none of them got the coveted five out of five, so I won’t be schmoozing with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in the near future.

FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTERISM – The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Score: 5 / 5

On a positive note:

Reading this book can result in philosophical insights for even the most ignorant and uneducated.

On a negative note:

I laughed so hard I had to stop reading it on the bus as I was getting funny looks.

Conclusion:

A surprise late contender. Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is only a few years old and it still manages to get the top score.

THE FINAL SUMMARY

So three religions get the top score. To find out the real winner we have to start considering different criteria. In my opinion – and to keep it measurably scientific – this criteria will be objectivity. How many reviews is this top score based on?

Judaism – 2 reviews

Hinduism – 1 review

F.S.M. – 6 reviews

So there we have it. As from this afternoon at 3.30pm GMT (gives me time to finish my lunch first) the world needs to drop all of its silly religious bickering and convert to Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. If you want a sample of the religion before you commit to buying the holy book, you can find out more here.

At last the old debate is settled! Hallelujah!

8 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Sam / Nov 22 2007 3:28 pm

    I love you Dave.

  2. Docidu / May 26 2008 8:27 am

    Great article, i very much enjoyed it.. and not so much a criticism as it is a comment to help completeness, what you term ‘Flying Spaghetti Monsterism’ is actually called ‘Pastafarianism’ … that is all 🙂

  3. Mike / May 27 2008 1:32 am

    Not so fast!!!

    First result for “Zoroastrianism” ties those upstart Pastafarians, and wins on an appeal to precedent.

    But really, all this tie-breaking-talk is unnecessary. The first result for “Greek Mythology” http://www.amazon.com/Complete-World-Greek-Mythology/dp/0500251215/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1211851557&sr=8-1
    has 5 stars from 7 reviews so I’ll see you at the Parthenon — and in your nicest togs if you please.

  4. tina / Jun 4 2008 5:48 pm

    it is not right to be jugding which holy book or god is of more importance or better. but i understand you wre trying to be respectful , but i think the topic you are researching is alittle to personal for people. jugding is wrong especially beacuse everyone loves their god and won’t change whom they believe.
    cal;ling a book cheap may be considered unrespectful, even though you didn’t mean it in such a way.
    thanks for your time. i really do respect what you did.

  5. Alfredo Aguilar / Jun 27 2008 3:48 pm

    Please beleive in GOD.

  6. davebirss / Jun 27 2008 4:07 pm

    Hi Alfredo,

    Which one?

Trackbacks

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